Are We Falling Out of Love... or Just Drifting Apart?

The other night, Armando and I rewatched a movie we’ve seen a few times called It’s Complicated. Besides the laughs and the gorgeous house Meryl Streep’s character lives in, the film always stirs something deeper in us.

If you’ve seen it, you know the storyline—Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin play a divorced couple with a beautiful family who somehow end up having an affair with each other years later. By the end, they choose to remain just friends. Somewhere along the way, the characters “fell out of love.”

That phrase stuck with us. Later that night, as we curled up for bed, Armando said something that sparked a real conversation. He looked at me and said:
“I’ll never understand why people say they’ve just fallen out of love.”

That hit me. I sat with it for a moment. And then I responded honestly: “I think I do understand it—but maybe not in the way most people think.”

What we often call “falling out of love” isn’t really about love disappearing. It’s about stopping the pursuit.

Life gets busy. Kids, work, responsibilities, stress, routines. The spark that once fueled connection becomes buried under schedules and exhaustion. Slowly, the relationship shifts into a “roommate” phase—where two people live under the same roof, but no longer with one another.

The intimacy starts to fade, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Conversations become surface-level. You stop asking each other deep questions. You stop noticing the little things. And that distance begins to grow… until one day, you don’t recognize the person next to you.

That’s what people often call “falling out of love.” But in truth, it’s not about love failing. It’s about people giving up the effort.

But here’s the good news:
Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice.
And the Bible tells us exactly what love is:

Love chooses to stay in the ring when it would be easier to walk away.
Love chooses to re-pursue your spouse when everything feels off.
Love gives even when it feels like nothing is being returned.
Love says, “This matters too much to give up on.”

Armando and I know this story all too well. We lived it. There was a season where we were just two people coexisting—disconnected, distant, and numb. It took a devastating rock-bottom moment for our eyes to open.

That’s when God stepped in. He didn’t just fix our marriage—He transformed it. And Thrilling Marriage was born from that very place. We started this ministry so couples wouldn’t have to wait for devastation to learn how to reconnect, rebuild, and renew their love.

If you're feeling the drift today, we want to tell you—it’s not too late.

Start trying again. Start giving again. Start loving again.
Reignite the pursuit. Refuse to settle. Invite God into the process.

Yes, marriage can get complicated sometimes. But what a gift it is to walk through life—through the good, the hard, and the messy—with someone who’s willing to stay and fight with you.

Action Step: Take time to repeat this to your spouse and commit to pursuing them again…

I will try again.

I will give again.

I will love again.

I will pursue you again.

I will refuse to settle.

I wont give up.

I will invite the Lord into the process.

-Liz