The Biggest Marriage Killer?

This week, I (Liz) posted a new Reel to our Instagram about Contentment. The response was bigger than we thought it would be. Lately, I found myself in a constant state of stress and anxiety, and I knew after some reflection at the core of it was one thing…. comparison.

I knew the struggle I was having was causing me to complain more and just overall be a negative Nancy.

It had become so evident that Armando even challenged me to “think & speak positive” one day. So last week as my thoughts began to trail down the complaining rabbit hole I remembered what Armando told me to do. I stopped and said to myself, “Nope, you won’t waste your time complaining. Instead of complaining, be content.”

I had gotten so caught up seeing other people “moving forward” in life, and here I was feeling so stuck. In reality, I was stuck in comparison. So, instead of complaining, I remembered the Lord. I focused on His goodness and all the things He has done for us. I thanked Him for the hope that we will forever have in Him. I thanked Him for the future plans He had for my life, and that if God was in it, I knew I would be okay.

I shared this with Armando, and it got us talking and going deeper into the topic. We talk to a lot of married couples, and we ourselves know the dangers of how comparison can kill contentment, which ultimately destroys a marriage. Think about it… have you ever met a divorced couple who was content right before they got divorced?

We often compare our spouses to others. Wives see other husbands and wonder why theirs isn’t like them. Husbands see other wives and wonder why their wife isn’t like them. We see others' homes, incomes, vacations, careers, and wonder, why them and not me? Eventually, over time, this type of comparison leaves a husband and wife in a constant state of discontentment.

Its a viscous cycle that will affect everything. And if not caught and corrected, it can destroy any marriage.

We knew after the new sermon series at our church we had to share on this topic; today’s sermon was about comparison. We wanted to share with you today that the trap of comparison will kill your contentment. So always be on guard to recognize when your heart isn’t in the right place and make the adjustments needed.

We want to share the remedies of comparison that our pastor shared today that we 100% agree with.

Remedies to Comparison

Contentment - Hebrews 13:5 - “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Galatians 6:4 - “Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

You can recognize when you're discontent by a few things. If you find yourself complaining all the time, stressed all the time, and feeling insecure, you may be comparing. Pray in those moments for the Holy Spirit to help guide you back to the truth of who God is and what His word says. Remember that the life and circumstance you are in is one that you get to live and steward alongside the Lord. Taking the scripture above we can see that we are called to PAY CLOSE attention to our own work. Do well with what you have been given and if anything at all… remember the cross and how Jesus saved you. For us, this is huge; we often reflect on how the Lord stepped in to save our marriage.

Confidence - Hebrews 13:6 - “So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

Be confident in the Lord. Be confident in who He is and who you are in Him. Be confident that He is a God that sticks by His promises. Be confident that who you are married to is the one God ordained you to. Your wife is given by God. Your husband is given by God. What wonderful gifts to TREASURE. Be confident that God knows what He’s doing. When you are being overcome by comparison and discontentment, often every insecurity comes boiling to the surface. Confidence puts insecurity to sleep. So proclaim the confidence you have in Christ, in His plan, and what He’s doing.

Just know… you are not alone when you have to battle discontentment and comparison. Here’s your reminder from us that when you recognize these things in your heart, call on the Holy Spirit and remember the Lord, find your contentment in Him and BE CONFIDENT.

We are rooting for you….

Prayer for today. “God, we have felt so trapped by comparison and complaining. Forgive us. Help us to live well and do well with what you’ve given us and in the circumstance we are in today. We know that you will never leave us and that you are a God who does not lie. We trust you, God, and yield our hearts to you today. As we do this help us to feel contentment and peace. Amen”

-Armando and Liz