Boundaries In Marriage

As Christ followers, it’s easy to get caught up in a rule-based mindset when it comes to marriage. We focus on all the “don’ts”—don’t betray, don’t disrespect, don’t cross certain lines. While these boundaries are necessary, when we focus only on avoiding mistakes, we can forget about the freedom, redemption, and forgiveness that Christ offers us.

If we lose sight of the work Christ did on the cross, we risk making marriage feel like a list of restrictions rather than a covenant of love and grace. And when people feel overwhelmed by the pressure of “getting it right” all the time, it can lead to resentment, discouragement, or even walking away—from faith and from marriage.

Boundaries exist to protect marriages, not to restrict them. Every couple has different experiences, past struggles, and areas where extra caution is needed. That’s why one couple’s boundaries might look different from another’s. For instance, in our marriage we value OUR time over friend time. We fix our eyes on each other and no one else. We don’t do things alone with the opposite sex. We speak positive things about one another in group settings and never tear each other down.

But here’s the thing—if we focus only on the rules, marriage can start to feel like a checklist instead of a relationship. That’s why we began approaching boundaries differently. Instead of just thinking about what we shouldn’t do, we started focusing on what we should do to strengthen our marriage. And we came to this simple but powerful realization: "If it’s not honoring to my spouse, I shouldn’t do it."

Just like in our faith—if it doesn’t honor God, we don’t do it. This mindset shift made boundaries feel less like restrictions and more like a way to love each other well. Instead of seeing them as limitations, we began to view them as opportunities to actively honor and respect one another.

One thing that has been such a revelation for us is that if we really love the Lord and want to be the people of God He’s called us to be, we will WANT to honor him with how we live. We are called to do the same for our spouses.

When setting or reevaluating boundaries in your marriage, don’t just focus on what you should avoid—talk about how you can honor each other daily. Ask yourself: "Does this honor my spouse?" If the answer is no, then it’s not something worth doing.

When honor becomes the foundation of your boundaries, your marriage will feel stronger, safer, and more connected. Instead of operating out of fear of failure, you’ll operate out of love and respect—which is exactly how God designed marriage to be.

TAKE ACTION: Set aside time to discuss the boundaries in your marriage through the lens of honor, respect, and love.

1️⃣ Have a Focused Conversation – Choose a time free of distractions to talk openly.

2️⃣ Ask Each Other:

• What makes you feel honored and respected?

• Are there any actions that make you feel unseen or unimportant?

• Do we need to adjust any boundaries to better protect our marriage?

3️⃣ Commit to Growth – Identify one small change you can each make to strengthen honor and respect in your relationship.

Boundaries should protect your marriage, not restrict it. Start the conversation and grow together.

Thanks for reading!

-liz and armando