We Debunked This Marriage Myth

Once upon a time, I, Liz, binge-watched The Real Housewives series on Bravo like a toddler devouring a bag of Goldfish crackers. The glamour, sparkle, drama and the facade of being a wealthy housewife sucked me right in. In the show, husbands were hardly seen; it was a world of catty drama and Botox appointments with all the women. Unknowingly, I was consumed by the notion of "happy wife, happy life."

Meanwhile, Armando was working hard as a marketing consultant while I indulged in brunches, shopping and Botox sessions with my friends. I didn’t care what he was doing to make money as long as I had the freedom to pursue my desires. I was oblivious to our financial situation or any potential business downturns because I never bothered to look at our bank account. I honestly didn’t want to. I developed a nasty little spending habit, and Armando struggled to keep up in an attempt to keep me “happy and content”. Sadly many marriages are operated this way.

Over time, my selfishness grew, leading to discontent whenever I couldn’t follow the latest trends or couldn't match the extravagant lifestyle of my friends. I unfairly blamed Armando whenever I felt unhappy, unknowingly subjecting him to the unfair comparison game.

However, I wasn't the only one harboring resentment. Armando found himself trapped in a cycle of constantly trying to please me, assuming that providing enough money for my desires equated to being a good husband. This unrealistic and quite frankly unfair standard led him to harboring deep resentment toward me over time.

Though the incident in 2020 shattered our world and threatened our marriage, it unexpectedly became a turning point. As we waded through the chaos, we found breakthrough in discovering what it meant to be married God’s way. The enemy had a plan for us that God clearly intercepted. Armando and I were TOGETHER and that was enough.

We started to debunk the myth of "happy wife, happy life," acknowledging that men and women have distinct and very different needs in a marriage. We both mattered. We wanted to honor God in this new marriage so we knew in order to do that we needed to honor one another.

We committed to being on the same page about everything: finances, friendships, family, faith, and business. Taking charge of our finances was probably the biggest breakthrough, allowing us to view our financial situation as a collective responsibility. This shift in perspective meant understanding cutbacks and spending slowdowns without holding it against Armando. We were on the same team.

We learned that any time we felt discontent or angry we had to take a quick reflection on why. And more often than not it was never anything the other person was doing but rather something we were dealing with personally. It takes a ton of humility to admit that our hearts are in the wrong place. But it worked for us. 

We shifted our focus from what we could gain from each other to what we could give each other. Serving one another without complaints became our mantra. We have managed to tend to each other's needs over time and in the event that either of us feels like a need can be BETTER met, we communicate that with one another. 

Now, Armando and I believe in a motto that resonates more: "Happy spouse, happy house," because the old mantra proved to do no good for either of us. That old mantra is very isolating and divisive in our experience. In fact we believe many marriages are suffering due to the marriage myth, “Happy Wife Happy Life”. In a marriage, both individuals matter because both matter to God. Remember you are on the same team.

What are some ways you could be a better spouse starting today? Talk this over with your spouse and make a commitment in the right direction to one another.  

Feel free to reply with your ideas or insights. :)

With love,

Liz and Armando