What To Do When You Fight With Your Spouse

Last night, we had dinner together at one of our favorite places in Houston, Tiny Champions. The pizza there is one of the best around. Now that we share marriage advice with people, one of our favorite ways to dialogue and connect has been talking about topics we can cover on this newsletter. We enjoyed talking about this topic and one of our goals is to never hold back and not shed real light on topics that people would otherwise try to gloss over. 

In marriage, conflicts are bound to arise. Issues come up, and people get upset. It's inevitable.

Just last week, we experienced a conflict. I had been fasting from food, shedding some pounds and looking slimmer. Liz made a sarcastic comment, something like, “Well, I better enjoy it while I have it.” I got upset and responded, “You always have to be so negative. Why can't you believe me when I say I will continue to lose weight after I'm done fasting?” We were both irritated and entered silent mode.

About 10 minutes later, I called Liz over and asked her to sit by me. There was a paper and pen on the coffee table. I asked her to write down all the things she was afraid of. Instead of dismissing it(like she wanted to evident with a little side eye), she grabbed the pen and started writing. We went through each point, and she shared her heart on each topic. Afterward, we prayed together. I asked her to tear the paper up and throw it away. We hugged and carried on with our day.

We realized that with all the current inconsistencies in business, finances, and family, doubt and animosity had crept in. Liz’s comment made me feel like she doubted my abilities not only to lose weight but to build a successful business.

She was using sarcasm to make light of the negative feelings she was having. We're in a stressful time, and it all came out in a couple of negative remarks.

I gave her a moment and I decided to reach my hand out to her to help guide her through. We both apologized because we saw the root of the issue. Things aren't magically better, but we took quick action to resolve it, knowing that unresolved issues lead to bitterness and resentment. When we can band together in conflict we can conquer just about anything.

From start to finish, this minor conflict took about 20 minutes to resolve. Major conflicts may take more time, but with consistency, there can be a solution.

Proverbs 15:28 says, "The mind of the righteous person thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things." Sometimes it's too late to take back what we've said, but there's a way to think through the solution to make things right again with your spouse.

Here are a few things we consider when navigating through issues. Timing is important to allow emotions to temper down. We respect each other's need to process things. Tone is crucial; when timing is considered, it allows our tone to align. Proverbs 15:1 reflects on how a gentle word turns away anger. Don't let anger and irritation set the "tone" for your communication. Lastly, the right approach is everything, considering what the other needs. Coming from a place of understanding and humility helps us see their perspective as the bigger picture. For us, physical touch is a GAME CHANGER. A hug, hand on the shoulder, handshake, or kiss can be a starting point. It may sound strange, but touch releases endorphins, and in times of conflict, endorphins are needed. 🙂 A hug can calm and relax you, breaking down barriers that arise in the middle of a conflict. Laughter is also key for us. We have a ton of inside jokes, so sometimes after a hard talk, we throw one in. It really helps.

Prayer for today: “God, help us approach the issues we are facing today with your goodness and grace. Give us your heart for one another. Help us walk through conflict hand in hand as your Holy Spirit guides us. Amen.”

We are overjoyed at how God is already moving in some of your relationships. Please share this article and our newsletter with someone you know.

God Bless,

Armando and Liz