Is Your Heart Hardened Towards Your Spouse?

The other day, we were sitting at our kitchen table having a heart-to-heart. I had just shared some concerns with Armando—but my delivery wasn’t the best. Let’s be honest, sometimes I can be a little… harsh.

He was hurt by my words.
I knew what I meant, but how I said it didn’t land in love. And I knew he was already under pressure and stress.

As he opened up and poured out his heart to me, I had to fight the urge to interrupt—to defend myself, to explain. I wanted to cut him off SO BAD.

But in that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper:
“Have a heart for him.”

And just like that, something shifted in me.
The walls of defense began to lower.
My heart literally softened toward him—right there across the table.
And finally… I could really listen.

After I was able to truly hear him, we got through that tough conversation together.

I hugged Armando, looked him in the eye, and apologized.
It’s moments like these that help your spouse feel seen, heard, and deeply loved.
These are the kinds of moments that build safe spaces for real connection—spaces where your spouse knows they can be vulnerable without fear.

It reminded me of what we learned early in our marriage healing journey:
Having a heart for your spouse is essential to make it through the hard moments.

A soft, tender heart is the antidote to a hardened one.
And I never want my heart to grow cold or closed toward Armando. Ever.

You know what I’ve discovered helps my heart stay tender toward him?
…..Staying tender toward the Holy Spirit.

When I feel even a flicker of hardness toward God, I know it’s time to check my heart and get realigned.

Cultivating that raw, back-and-forth relationship with the Holy Spirit has helped keep my heart engaged—both with God and with my husband.

So if you’re reading this today and your heart feels distant or hardened toward your spouse…

Go to the Holy Spirit.
Ask Him, “Lord, give me a heart for them.”
And watch what He begins to do.

It takes humility to ask for help—but it’s that very humility that deepens our hearts for Christ and for each other.

Reflection Questions:

What does it look like to “have a heart” for your spouse in this current season? Is it compassion, patience, gentleness, or something else?

Are there any unresolved areas in your marriage where you’ve been more defensive than receptive? Ask the Lord to reveal them to you gently.

How can you intentionally create a safe space for your spouse to share their heart with you this week?

Take a moment to pray:
“Lord, give me a heart for my spouse. Soften what’s hard, heal what’s wounded, and make me more like You in the way I love.”