When Life Throws You A Wrench...

This past month, I got a part-time job working from home. I get to do marketing for a real estate company, so it's been a fun, chaotic, overwhelming learning experience that also feels like a blessing, if that makes sense.

If I'm being honest, it's definitely challenged Armando and me. We went from being at each other's beck and call for four years to now me having a new job taking up half my day every day. We've had some heated discussions as things seem to be falling through the cracks and time has been allotted in other places.

We understand the need all the more now to keep the first things first, to have the tough conversations about what we both need, to try to balance all the things now while still maintaining a good relationship with the Lord, with each other, and with our kids.

It's been challenging, but when you look at the “wrenches” life throws at you as a challenge instead of a problem, then you start to approach things differently. There's more thought process, more work, more intentionality when you see the challenge for what it is, and you decide together that, “It's a challenge, let's get through this together.”

You gotta do the hard stuff to have a marriage that looks easy. I saw this quote on Instagram yesterday:

“Roots are your private life, fruits are your public life.”

It made me think in terms of our marriage. Roots are planted, dug into, grown, watered, tended to behind closed doors. And it's the fruit of that labor that other people see, and we get to enjoy. But growing those roots nice and deep is a labor of love.

In today's article, I really wanted to breathe life into marriages. Today, as I prayed for marriages to have life, I felt the Holy Spirit respond and say, “In order for things to have new life, some things must die first.”

Pride has to die.

Selfishness has to die.

Fear has to die.

Resentment has to die.

Unforgiveness has to die.

Old habits have to die.

This looks like having uncomfortable talks. This looks like tending to each other's needs even when you’re tired. This looks like being intentional when you don’t have the mind or heart capacity to do so because you've been working all day, watching kids, or trying to keep up with your to-do list. It means putting the other first when you honestly need so much yourself. It means digging deep to allow those roots to take ground.

There are four things that have helped us do this hard work when we are tired:

• Talking about it (Have a conversation).

• Praying about it (Read God's word and confess it over your situation).

• Establishing or re-establishing our non-negotiables (When things go sideways, remember where you stand, remember your vision for your marriage and life, remember your non-negotiables (time together, boundaries, goals for marriage)).

• Letting things die so that new life can spring forward (What are things you've been holding onto that you need to let die so that healing and newness can spring forward).

This is why having Christ be your foundation is so important. In the Christian walk, there’s a lot of remembering the Lord that we have to do. Proverbs 3:6 says, “Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.” If we are in this world, we need our hearts and gaze to be on Jesus first because it’s his ways and his heart that help guide us. When it comes to marriage, is the world guiding you, or is his word?

Action step: Discuss the things that you feel you need to allow to die. Bitterness? Resentment? Unforgiveness? Pray that the Lord would give you eyes to see his way and ears to hear his voice. Pray together that God would breathe fresh life into your marriage/spouse and commit to building the roots in your marriage so that the fruit can be a testimony.

Thanks for reading! Recommend our newsletter to someone you know, we would love that!

-Liz and Armando