Offense, Obstacles, Conflict AND Marriage

Have you ever got into a heated argument with your spouse? You know, the type of argument where you both feel the need to be RIGHT? 

Most of our arguments usually got bad because we were both coming to our own defense in regard to any matter. i.e. wanting to be right. 

The other day I (Armando) was on my way out the door to go play pickleball and when I told Liz she got upset. 

If you spend any length of time with me you’ll know that I have a secret addiction. Pickleball. Some would say I’m a “pickle head”. 

When I asked what was on her mind she shared with me that she felt like I was choosing fun and games instead of working on our business. 

As a business owner it’s important to be a good manager of my time and since our main business has been hit hard in the last year. It’s been a challenge to find the right pivot. Things financially have become slow and so Liz shared that instead of playing I should be focusing on building the business back to health. 

Part of me wanted to get mad. Not gonna lie. 

However, I took a breather and I let her share what was on her heart. 

After she was done I said, “I get it and I’m sorry”. 

I really did have to get my heart in the right place and understand why she was upset. I told her that I would focus on work first then go play my three pickleball games, it’s called compromise . Lol. 

I (Liz) am pretty much perfect and don’t really have to come to my own defense for anything… JUST KIDDING. 

I have to swallow my pride so much. You see, I’m a natural born perfectionist. I feel like I need to get everything just right and if I don’t I get frustrated. So if I feel like I’m not “RIGHT” then my natural response is to try and prove that I am. Anytime Armando comes to me to share I have to do my best to understand him and not make it about me. Believe it or not husbands need to vent sometimes too. I’ve learned that if you can just hear each other out, let them vent and not try to fix or offer solutions, that’s all the other person needs most of the time. 

There’s a lot of power in the words “I get it”, “I understand”, and “I’m sorry”. One of the easiest ways to combat taking things personally when your spouse shares a concern with you is to simply NOT take it personally.

So here’s a simple way to overcome getting offended with your spouse: 

Step 1: Stop

Step 2: Breathe 

Step 3: Listen 

Step 4: Apologize

Step 5: Forgive 

”Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.“

Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We love this scripture because we have found out ourselves that we will have to bear alot with one another. We bear each others burdens, struggles, weight, downfalls, well because that is what the word of God says we should do.

Action Step: 

Are there small or big offenses you and your spouse haven’t addressed? 

Take some time today to resolve some current offenses before they take root. 

It’s important that you don’t allow things to build up over time to be brushed under the rug. Usually those small offenses become bitter roots and bitter hearts tend to be on the defense often. When an offense arises, do your best to address it and not forget it and forgive like God has forgiven you. And when your spouse is sharing their frustrations with you…. Just hear them out and follow the steps above.

Rooting for you!

-Armando and Liz