Real Ways To Show Up For Each Other

Its been a minute since we’ve been able to share some insights and updates lately. Life for us has been in a season of adjustment. With a new job , business ventures and busy teens (lets not forget the house full of pets) lol, we’ve really had to learn to adjust, have patience in the adjustment process and practice what we preach here in our newsletter. The things we share we have learned first hand and we still ahve to continue to implement. Keep reading for what we’ve been pondering about lately in regards to marriages.

One of the most common things we go through as couples is that sometimes it’s easy for us to feel alone. With the everyday hustle and grind paired with kids and families to raise, it’s easy for the pull of life to eventually start bringing us further and further apart.

I (Liz) began working for a real estate company part-time and remotely back in April. It was a blessing that came at just the right time, but it was a big shift in rhythm going from four years of being a stay-at-home mom to having a job with a company. It felt like a whole new world to me.

At first, and for a while, we felt a tug and pull in our marriage. There were some kinks that needed to be worked out, and pushing against the current that was trying to separate us became all too real. We had to really put into motion all the things we knew to help keep our relationship safe and strong during this transition.

At times, in the busyness of it all, it did feel like we were alone.

I (Armando) had to start taking on some of the business roles Liz had while she adjusted to her new job. While she worked and still kept our home in order, I had to manage the business all by myself. This caused me to feel alone and really needing support from her.

We both needed some support.

Do you ever feel that way in your marriage?

Feeling alone and needing more support is something we have to always be mindful of. We need to be mindful to show up for each other and let our spouse know, “Hey, I’m here for you.”

But sometimes it’s hard to nail down how we can show up for each other. During our devotional time, we discussed what it means to show up for one another and how that looks. So, as per usual, we made a list. These definitely ring true for us. Do any ring true for you?

How to Show Up for Your Husband

- Put Him First (Kids Go Second): Often, husbands feel like they are on the back burner to their kids. As much as it is a calling and nature of a woman to nurture her kids, putting her husband first will make him feel important, respected, and seen. Let him know you want to spend some alone time with him and make it happen.

- Initiate Physical Affection: Sometimes a man can feel his physical needs aren't getting met. This could be for a variety of reasons. When a wife initiates things like sex, touching, and flirting, it makes her husband feel seen and desired by her.

- Make Him Feel Trusted: A man wants to know that his wife believes in him and trusts him to take care of the family. As a wife, your words and actions are a big deal in this area. Let him know, “I know you got this, babe. I trust you.”

How to Show Up for Your Wife

- Be a Spiritual Leader: Pray for her, take the family to church, read your bible, and share encouragement with her from the Bible. A woman wants to be led, and despite society’s messaging that women “don’t need anyone”, a wife needs her husband just like a husband needs his wife. When you take the lead in praying for the family, talking about scripture, and taking them to church, she will feel much support and safety. Holiness is HOT.

- Listen to Her: Provide a safe place for her to share. This means that you’re listening and not taking offense. Be a sounding board for her to just vent sometimes. (Remember, wives, complaining is draining. Are you constantly complaining? Ask God to help you start seeing good and focus your thoughts on good rather than bad.) Husbands, just provide a listening ear for her and show you support her feelings and thoughts.

- Be Decisive: “Whatever you want” is a passive response. What most women want is for you to lay out a plan that she can follow. So start making plans and making decisions. She will love it and almost 100% of the time be appreciative that you took time to make a plan and a decision for both of you. It shows you care, and that’s a great way to show up for her.

Closing Thoughts

Reflect on these points and discuss them with your spouse. Commit to showing up for each other in meaningful ways. We hope these tips help strengthen your marriage. Remember, you're not alone in this journey.

~ Armando & Liz