Does SEX Make Your Marriage Better?

Let's get straight into this. Sex is a significant issue in many marriages. Sometimes there's broken trust, trauma, or just an overall loss of interest in the sex department for couples. As complex and difficult as it can be for many, we must remember that sex was made by God for the institution of marriage.

We CAN and SHOULD enjoy one another.

At one point in our marriage, sex felt like an obligation. It was transactional. We did it because we had to. We had grown apart, and our priorities were not in the right place.

Honestly, we had allowed so much impurity into our marriage. Over time, lust and sensuality bled into our marriage, and it just wasn't good.

When we had to begin our marriage again in 2020 from the ground up, we grew emotionally and spiritually close, closer than we had ever been in the previous 15 years of marriage. Because we were taking the necessary steps towards being there for one another in BOTH our time of need, the trust grew deeper over time. We felt safe with one another, and so our sex life grew more intimate and meaningful.

In our Christian culture, this has been taboo, and the only time people like to talk about sex is when someone cheated and there's infidelity. But God made sex for the marriage bed. It's up to us to keep the marriage bed pure by not crowding it with worldly influence.

Over the last few years, as we continue to learn and grow together in our marriage, we've discovered that even through life's ups and downs, twists, and turns, we should STILL make sex a priority. Its something we SHOULD talk about and engage in.

If you are struggling in this area, it's important to be honest and open with yourself and your spouse. Become aware of the root cause of what could be causing the strain in your sex life and bear with one another as you walk through it together.

Here's why SEX should be a PRIORITY for you and your spouse:

1. Closeness and Intimacy:

Sex is symbolic of two becoming one, “One Flesh” (Genesis 2:24). As you make it a priority, you will grow closer in intimacy and oneness. Remember that you can't expect magical bedroom intimacy if you aren't giving to your spouse in the other areas of their needs.

2. Stress Relief:

Ever notice that in times of stress or tiredness, you just... “Don't feel like it”? Stress makes your sex drive go down, but one thing we've found is that the best relief for stress is to have sex with your spouse.

3. Fulfillment:

When your overall needs as husband and wife are met, fulfillment follows. It benefits your marriage when you both are serving one another's needs. Remember, fulfillment is more than just how many times a week you're having sex. Are you seeking God? Are you being fulfilled spiritually by the Holy Spirit? Are you giving and serving your spouse? When you can remember these things, fulfillment in the bedroom will come.

4. Desire:

It feels good to feel “wanted”. To know that you are desired by your spouse gives you confidence in your marriage. One of the things we started telling each other when we started over was, “My heart is FOR YOU. My eyes are FOR YOU. My body is FOR YOU”. We got rid of all other options to just focus on our ONE. Make sure your spouse knows you desire them.

Action Step: Pursue one another again like you used to when your relationship began. Have eyes for them (ONLY). Flirt with each other. Talk. Talk about sex. Talk about your needs. Talk about what you like/don't like and what you would want more of.

Pray this with your spouse: “God we thank you for our marriage, we want to honor you and bless you in the way that we serve and treat one another. Help us grow in intimacy with one another. Help us in the areas we are struggling or hurting and help us to see sex as a gift you’ve given us to enjoy. amen.”

Rooting for you!

Armando and Liz

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