Small Things That Matter In Marriage

If you’ve followed our newsletter since the beginning, you have learned that we didn’t know much about marriage for the better part of 15 years of our marriage. We allowed our upbringings, family background, friendships, and society/culture to navigate and shape how our marriage looked for all those years.

When we chose to fight for our marriage in 2020, we had to learn, and we were both eager to. We learned that God valued our marriage and had a plan for it. We learned how destroyed marriages can destroy families. We learned that God values families that live to honor him.

We also learned that we had to start implementing practical things we weren't used to doing. It was an adjustment for both of us that felt so new. We remained intentional, and over time this intentionality helped shape and rebuild our marriage.

One of the biggest differences in our marriage today is that we cuddle. We were never the cuddly type. I (Liz) always used the excuse that “my parents weren’t lovey-growing up” to avoid being touchy with Armando. Meanwhile, Armando was secretly yearning for physical touch.

In our “new marriage,” we realized that God gifted us with our OWN relationship, our own marriage separate from our family or friends' influence. 'For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother [to establish a home with his wife], 'Mark 10:7. We had to discover who we were IN HIM so that we could be who he called us to be for one another. Like the scripture in Mark 10 says, we are to leave and ESTABLISH A HOME together.

So the effect of this new journey brought us closer together, and now we cuddle like crazy and can't even fall asleep without being in each other's arms.

We learned to put away the excuses and be more intentional.

We are sharing the little things we started implementing in our marriage that we noticed really make such a BIG difference.

1. How you greet each other when you see each other

Acknowledgment is needed for both a husband and a wife. When they get home or arrive don't lead with negativity but lead with excitement and love, which allows them to feel welcomed and appreciated.

2. Looking at them when they’re speaking

When you are talking to your spouse face to face, are you really talking face to face? When you or your spouse are talking, start looking at each other. Eye contact is important but often forgotten when you're speaking to each other. Be intentional about this.

3. Looking at them in general

When we had been married for some time, we slowly started allowing our eyes to wander to other people. When this happens, your eyes are no longer your spouse's. Check each other out. Admire your favorite physical trait and allow your eyes to just take them all in.

4. What you say about them in the presence of others

The smallest little sarcastic comment or criticism can come out easily when you’re with friends and family who readily talk down about their spouses in front of each other. Make the decision together that you will not let others' negative talk affect the things you say about your spouse. Remember to always allow your words to show honor to your spouse.

5. Saying good morning and good night

This is something super simple, but we started implementing this after seeing a Reel on Instagram where this couple, married for over 50 years, gave this as a piece of advice. They shared that they never go a day without greeting one another with a good morning and closing the day together with a good night. It makes us feel like a little old couple that's been married forever. LOL.

6. Praying for them

We never really implemented this at all. Even growing up as a Christian and working in the church for a few years did not give us this kind of wisdom. When we realized that our marriage is a partnership, we began to see one another as comrades. Doing this marriage thing God's way requires daily prayer. We can't do it without him. And when you can bless your spouse with a prayer, it strengthens the spiritual bond you both have.

This list is simple, and there's probably way more to add, but as you begin to implement these together, take note of how your marriage begins to strengthen.

ACTION STEP: Take a few minutes to discuss the list and share your thoughts together. Is there anything that sticks out to you that you could start implementing more of?

Rooting for you,

Armando and Liz