What We Would Tell Our Younger Selves

Is it really possible to have a strong marriage when both spouses are juggling work, parenting, and everyday responsibilities?

How do you even do that?

When we got married at 18 and 19, we were just starting our journey together, and by the age of 21, we already had two little ones. Liz was a stay-at-home mom, and I worked full-time at CarMax while also serving as a youth pastor at our small church.

To be honest, we knew nothing about marriage. We did not understand what having a STRONG MARRIAGE meant.

I was just happy to be married, and Liz was thrilled to be a wife and mom. That was all that mattered to us.

But looking back, I can see our marriage wasn’t the first priority.

If I’m being really honest, even our personal walks with God weren’t at the top of the list.

I poured my energy into my job and my role at our 100-member church. That’s where I found my worth and validation.

Liz poured her energy into raising our kids. They were her first priority.

So there we were—two young adults, deeply in love but unknowingly putting our marriage on the back burner. I put my job and ministry first. She put the kids first. And neither of us knew any better.

Would I change things if I could? For sure!

Many of our friends today have little ones. They are in the trenches of raising kids while managing their homes, lives, careers and everything in between.

So we thought, what advice could we share to them? We have been there before but it was so long ago. Our kids are 16 and 18 now (a whole other season of life/parenthood).

So we asked ourselves, If we could sit down with young Liz and Armando with young kids, what would we would tell them?

Heres what we wish we would have known:

God has a purpose and design for your marriage

We were so young when we got married we were really mostly interested in being able to spend every waking moment together. If Im being real honest, we were ready to be able to “do it” anytime we wanted and not be in sin. But there was a beautiful and specific design for our marriage that went beyond being able to rightfully have sex with each other in the eyes of God whenever we wanted. (remember we were YOUNG) HA!

Marriage isn’t about the fairytale of living “happily ever after.” A thriving marriage is about modeling Christ’s love to the world through how we love our spouses. When we put our marriage first, we are living out God’s design. And a healthy home begins with a strong and Christ-centered marriage made up of two individuals living Christ centered lives.

Check out these scriptures on marriage:

📖 Genesis 2:24 – "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

📖 Ephesians 5:25 – "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

📖 Proverbs 24:3-4 – "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."

📖 Ecclesiastes 4:12 – "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

📖 Mark 10:9 – "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

Examine Your Priorities

Back then, we were dreamers, passionate about ministry and eager to say “yes” to every opportunity that came our way. But somewhere along the way, every other commitment became more important than our commitment to each other.

If we could go back, we would tell our younger selves to slow down.

We would remind young Liz and Armando that before the church, before our kids, and before anything else, we had to allow Christ to mold us—to shape us through His Word and Spirit.

Our first earthly commitment had to be to each other.

Then to our family.

Then to church, work, and everything else.

If anything threatened our walk with Christ or our marriage, we would tell our younger selves to be bold enough to say no.

Ask yourself this:
Are your job, kids, commitments, or personal goals overshadowing your relationship with your spouse?

If so, it’s time to realign your priorities with God’s design.

Being a great employee, a dedicated parent, and a faithful servant in ministry are all good priorities—but even good priorities need their rightful place.

If you’re committed to growing in your marriage, take time to reflect on what God says about it and be intentional about rearranging your priorities when they start to shift.

A healthy, thriving marriage is built on purpose. 💛

Much love,

Armando

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